I Never Meant To
by GayforKurt
Summary: John inadvertently hurts Rodney's feelings. Very short, slightly fluffy one-shot.  Archived elsewhere.


I never meant to

By Dolce (aka Gayforkurt)

Summary: John inadvertently hurts Rodney's feelings. Very short one-shot.

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Stargate franchise because, if I did, there'd be a heck of a lot of boy-boy interaction. Just saying.

Dr. Rodney McKay did not have many pleasures in life. In fact, he could probably count on one hand the few things that made him stop and smile. Most of his colleagues here in Atlantis would probably describe him to newcomers to the Pegasus Galaxy as grumpy, sour, snarky, miserable – any adjective that did not have a nodding acquaintance with 'pleasant' or 'happy'.

Rodney did not care what most of his colleagues thought of him. He knew he was the smartest man in two galaxies; really, he had saved all their lives on numerous occasions and those feats had nothing to do with his personality and everything to do with his brilliance.

Still, unbeknownst to the others, a few things could get him to pause in his oh-so-important, life-saving work, and one of those things (well technically not 'a thing' but a person) was John Sheppard.

Lt. Col. John Sheppard, USAF.

Rodney, as part of John's team here in the Pegasus Galaxy, has spent more time with John than anyone else. Now that he thought about it, the close-mouthed military leader could shoot the breeze for hours with a laid-back charm that carefully disguised how very little information he was actually giving about himself or his past. Of course, most people knew the official story behind the black mark on his military record and maybe a couple of others knew he had been briefly married. Rodney doubted, though, that many people, either here or back home, knew that John was bisexual.

The members of the expedition from Earth to the Ancient city of Atlantis in the Pegasus Galaxy hailed from several countries. The scientists, military contingent and support personnel had gone through a rigorous screening process before they had all stepped through the Stargate in the embarkation room back at Stargate Command. The US government's infamous and much-derided policy dubbed 'DADT' – Don't Ask, Don't Tell – had been largely ignored, given the composition of the expedition. A good two-thirds of the military contingent was not American and did not subscribe to such foolishness as scrutinizing its members' love life. No, the most important characteristic that was needed for such a venture into unknown territory was more likely to be one's ability to handle the unexpected.

Rodney McKay, the Chief Science Officer of the expedition was, himself, Canadian, though he had spent far too many years (in his opinion) working for the US government on various highly classified projects. Canada did not subscribe to the asinine DADT policy and neither did Britain or Europe, as far as he knew, though he could not swear if he were asked. Still, the policy against fraternization of any type was not one that they could seriously adhere to, as they were millions of light years away from Earth and they were not likely to want to 'hook up' with the denizens of the Pegasus Galaxy. Or so you would think, Rodney mused.

Trust the ridiculously attractive military commander, aka John 'Kirk' Sheppard, to prove Rodney so very wrong. Rodney hated to be wrong about anything and when he and his team, which included the Athosian leader Teyla Emmagan and the Satedan, Specialist Ronon Dex, stepped out of the Stargate on M393-042 on a first contact mission, he would never have thought team leader John Sheppard would be the first to break protocol.

Needless to say, Rodney was not happy when, upon rounding the corner of one of the village taverns, he saw John Sheppard plastered up against the wall with his tongue down the throat of another man.

"Sheppard! What the _!" Rodney could not continue, not because he was that shocked but because John had raised his head and just smirked.

"Hey, Rodney, you guys finished?" Sheppard's husky voice was slightly raspier than usual and made his trademark drawl more pronounced. In fact, to Rodney, he sounded as if he was drugged _ or just had amazing sex.

"What's the matter with you, have you been drinking?" Rodney's screech brought the attention of Teyla and Ronon to bear on the commotion and they hurried to join Rodney. By the time they caught up with him, John's companion had moved away and was righting his clothes, actions that Rodney watched with jealous eyes. The man was barely that, he thought, as he took in the youthfully smooth, creamy skin and kiss-flushed lips that he was licking, as if he could still taste John there.

Rodney's stomach clenched and he raised blazing blue eyes to stare accusingly at Sheppard. You see, one of Rodney's few pleasures was fantasizing about what John would look like after sex. John's relaxed, almost nonchalant delivery, lazy walk and soulful eyes had starring roles in many of Rodney's dreams. Now, seeing John with an almost post-coital glow after a heavy petting session with one of the villagers meant that Rodney's pleasure was now tainted. All Rodney would see now when he closed his eyes tonight was John kissing someone else.

Rodney rushed out of the alley, almost bumping into Teyla, and headed for the Stargate. It was a good thing they had finished negotiating with the village elders for the food supplies the Atlantis contingent so desperately needed because Rodney could hardly concentrate now. He was hurt and angry and embarrassed and he could not wait to get back to the city so he could terrorize his staff some more.

Dr. Elizabeth Weir watched from her vantage point above the embarkation room as Dr. Rodney McKay came storming out of the Stargate. She could not remember the last time she had seen such a mix of emotions on the volatile scientist's face. She sighed; somehow, she knew that Col. Sheppard was in some way responsible. She had seen Rodney lambasting his staff for their, in his words, "monumental stupidity", on many occasions. She had seen Rodney frightened, worried, anxious, maliciously gleeful or genuinely happy on several occasions. This time, however, the look on Rodney's face seemed to indicate betrayal.

As civilian leader, well technically joint leader with the military commander, Col. Sheppard, Elizabeth had to draw on her many years as a diplomat back on Earth to deal with all the towering egos of the best and brightest that Earth had to offer when they decided to make the trek to the Pegasus Galaxy. The biggest ego of all belonged to Dr. Rodney McKay (and yes, she did believe he was the brightest mind in two galaxies, though she would never tell him that) but she also knew that Rodney had a very soft spot for their military commander. She was not certain that John knew how Rodney felt about him, but she also knew that John was bisexual. There was not much that was left out of the dossiers on all the members of the expedition, but people's private lives were a 'no-go' area in her opinion.

Now she sighed again as she saw Rodney returning without the rest of his team.

"Dr. McKay," she called down to the obviously upset scientist. "May I have a word, please?"

Though it was couched as a request, they both knew it was a command. Protocol, though often thrown out the window here in the Pegasus Galaxy, still constrained her to find out why the CSO had returned without the rest of his team.

"Elizabeth, I… uhm… have something I need to take care of in my lab." Rodney's voice wavered only slightly as he looked at the expedition leader who waited for him with a neutral expression on her face.

"Where is the rest of your team? Did the negotiations fall through?" She doubted that there had been anything less than a successful conclusion to the mission because Teyla had assured them that these people had traded with the Athosians for years and would welcome their business.

"Er, yes, yes, everything was concluded satisfactorily. I, ah, suddenly remembered there was something I needed to do, and it can't wait," Rodney stuttered, his normally brilliant blue eyes slightly dim as he avoided her gaze. Elizabeth's heart ached for him because, call it a woman's intuition, she knew John's reputation as a Casanova had probably just collided with Rodney's hero worship down on the planet.

"Okay, then," she took pity on Rodney. "I will see you at the debriefing tomorrow at 0800."

Rodney looked startled for a moment but, suddenly realizing that Elizabeth's empathy once again allowed her to see through his excuses, he simply nodded and scurried away.

"Offworld activation," Chuck the technician called out. "Colonel Sheppard's IDC, ma'am."

"Open the iris," Elizabeth called down to him. She had stepped out of her office and now waited for the rest of Rodney's team to step through the Stargate. She wanted to speak to John before he inevitably went to track down Rodney.

"Colonel Sheppard, a word, please," she called down as soon as the black-clad figure sauntered through the 'Gate.

"Elizabeth," John acknowledged her as he took the stairs two steps at a time. "Where's Rodney?"

"Rodney had some unfinished business he had to tend to," she replied blandly. "I told him we would debrief tomorrow at 0800 hours."

John looked at her, startled, and then a sheepish expression slid across his face. He turned to walk beside her to her office and sat in the chair before her desk before she could invite him.

Elizabeth took her seat and, for a few moments, just looked at John objectively. This was the first time since meeting him that she could remember, that he looked slightly abashed. Suddenly, she felt like a school principal about to chastise one of her students.

"What happened, John _ and I don't mean the negotiations."

John just looked at her with that kicked puppy look in his eyes that made most women (and a few men) want to comfort him. She was not taken in, though, because she had seen the hurt in Rodney's eyes earlier as he had tried not to look at her. She simply raised her eyebrows and waited on John's explanation.

"Look, Elizabeth, it didn't mean anything. Yeah, I know I was out of line, but _" he trailed off and glanced down as he bit into his pouty lower lip.

"'It' what," she asked, her eyebrows lowering now as she noticed his genuine remorse.

"Well, we had finished the negotiation, see, and one of the villagers said he had more stuff to show us. I went with him _ I left the others with Teyla to wrap up _ and when I went outside, well, around the corner of the building, all of a sudden, he pushed me up against the wall and he, he, ugh…"

As John trailed off, seemingly embarrassed, if the flush was anything to go by, Elizabeth sighed. She knew what was coming.

"He, what, John; he assaulted you?"

"No, no! It wasn't anything like that. He just, ugh, he k-kissed me, and I sort of got into it, you know?" John was red now and an earnest look in his striking green/hazel eyes made Elizabeth bite back the smile threatening to erupt. It really was no laughing matter because obviously Rodney did not find the whole thing funny.

"Next thing I know, McKay was there screeching at me and, I don't know why I did it, I just, uhmm, sorta smirked at him…" John trailed off at the angry look storming into Elizabeth's eyes.

"I see."

Silence reigned.

"Why?"

"I said I don't know why I did it! I think, maybe I just wanted to get a reaction from him, you know?" John felt bad for several reasons. He knew Elizabeth probably saw him as an asshole now, if she hadn't before, because she had the greatest respect for Rodney even if she never said it out loud.

On their way back to the gate, Teyla had given him the silent treatment and, for the life of him, he couldn't think of a single thing to say to Ronon. They were a close-knit team and he knew if one member was hurting, the others rallied 'round. This time, it was a team member, him, that had done the hurting.

He knew he had to apologize to Rodney, and soon. If he waited too long, Rodney's ire would become icy and he never wanted to be on the wrong end of a McKay cold shoulder. He had seen grown scientists break down and beg when subjected to a McKay cold shoulder. It was worse, inconceivable as that might be, than a McKay tantrum.

"I'm just going to go and ugh, try to find Rodney." John stood but waited for Elizabeth to look up at him. She didn't.

"So, ugh, 0800 hours tomorrow."

"Yes."

John gave up on trying to see if there was any sign of a thaw in her demeanor and stepped out of the office.

"Rodney, come in, where are you?" John keyed the radio again. "Rodney, I need to talk to you. Where are you?"

There was nothing but static and John realized Rodney must have keyed his 'earwig' off, knowing that John was going to come back and try to talk.

John knew Rodney well enough to know the scientist was attracted to him. It wasn't until the 'Incident', as he thought of it now, that he realized how much Rodney felt for him.

On the walk back to the Stargate after bidding farewell to the village elders, John thought about the look on Rodney's face. He never wanted to see that look of betrayal again on anyone's face, least of all Rodney's. Rodney had the most expressive, vulnerable eyes John had seen on a grown man and even when Rodney was trying to dissemble in the face of enemies or rivals, his friends could always read his eyes and see everything.

John's chest felt like there was a band around it and he did not know if anything could loosen it. If he could just talk to Rodney and see that he was okay, maybe he could breathe better. He had told Elizabeth the truth: he did not know why he allowed the young villager to kiss him or why, when Rodney came upon them, he had smirked at Rodney. Running it all through his mind, he could see how it would look to Rodney, as if he was mocking him; Rodney couldn't have him but this nameless villager could.

John hurried through the elegant corridors of the Ancient city, trying to think where Rodney would go to lick his wounds. He knew Rodney was not in his quarters, for he had checked there first. He knew he would not go to his lab and be surrounded by his personal 'morons' as he fondly called them. That left one place, and John hurried there, hoping he was right.

As the doors slid apart and he stepped out onto the balcony, he breathed a sigh of relief. Rodney was leaning against the sturdy railing looking out at the vast ocean that surrounded the gleaming city.

"I came out here because I did not want to be interrupted. What do you _" Rodney broke off as he turned and saw it was Sheppard, not one of his staff. "Oh…"

"I'm sorry, Rodney," John said softly. He moved up to lean against the railing beside his friend.

"I don't know what you're talking about but go away. I was enjoying the peace and quiet." Rodney angled his head away from John's gaze, determined not to let him see how much he was hurting. He was sure, though he had not cried, that his eyes were red.

"Look, I know, okay. I didn't mean for you to see that… ugh, you sorta startled me," John tried to explain in his stumbling way.

"Like I said, I don't know what you're talking about. Like I told Elizabeth, I had some stuff I needed to finish and we'd wrapped up the negotiations, so I came back. Nothing to it." Rodney's voice was sharp as he turned back to gaze out at the white caps on the waves far below.

"Come on, Rodney, I know, okay, and I'm sorry."

"Yes, well, whatever you know, you can take it with you. Like I said, I came out here for some peace. Hey, what _?" Rodney yelped as John's hand grabbed his bicep and spun him around.

John stared down into Rodney's eyes, seeing lingering traces of the sadness that he knew had been there now rapidly being overlaid by anger as Rodney tried to free himself. John, literally and figuratively, was not letting go.

"Rodney, stop." The quiet command got an immediate response as Rodney ceased struggling and just stared helplessly at John.

"I never meant to hurt you. What I did, I shouldn't have, okay, for several reasons." John stared at Rodney's expressive face. Truthfully, it was one of the things he really liked about the voluble scientist. Even if he would deny something to the end, his eyes always gave him away. Like they were doing now. John saw that Rodney was not just attracted to him; he was in love with him. Finally, the band around John's chest loosened and he breathed in deeply, incidentally getting a whiff of eau de Rodney – coffee, sweat and chocolate.

They stood there in the bright almost white sunlight staring at each other. It was when John saw Rodney's defenses slowly coming back up to try to shutter away his feelings, that he realized he couldn't allow it. Suddenly knowing what he needed to do, John lowered his head slowly, giving Rodney enough time to move away if this was unwanted.

Rodney sighed as John's lips touched down lightly on his.

John heard the sigh and knew he had chosen rightly.

Rodney parted his lips slowly and it was John's turn to sigh, in relief.

They stood on the balcony exchanging kisses, healing hurts and making promises.

John Sheppard would never willingly hurt Rodney McKay again.

The End


End file.
